Credit To: Andy Ion, Mike Monaghan, Scott Woodall, Bill, Ryan Roach & Jamie Szarka.
Welcome to 2005, the year of the greatest movie ever made; BRN: The Movie. A plot with more twists than a dance hall, more shocks then static & more turns than a driving test. Alright enough cheesy metaphors, lets get to cast of characters.
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Although he wont play a major role in the movie due to his hectic schedule in Hollywood; I figure that Mike Monaghan would be best played by Scott Baio. After all, they are both washed up and low budget. |
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| Scott Baio | as | Mike "M-Money" Monaghan |
| Anyone that has seen Super Troopers already knows who Ludwig should be played by. | ||
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| Phillip Brennikmeyer aka. Faggy German Guy in Super Troopers | as | Alex Ludwig aka. Faggy German Guy in Puce |
| Warriner has garnished comparisons to James Van Der Beek for years because they're pure replicas of each other. Also, with Warriner; how much intelligent dialect do you think he'll have in the movie, about as much in real life...a role played perfect by Van Der Beek. | ||
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| James Van Der Beek | as | Ryan Warriner |
| To quote Monaghan; "Szarka is Warriner Version 2.0." With that in mind, who else would be so apt to playing Van Der Beek's sidekick / lesser of a man. | ||
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| Joshua Jackson | as | Jamie Szarka |
| Comber/Tecumseh's favorite twosome will be played by Hollywood's favorite twosome. | ||
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| Cheech & Chong | as |
Mccloooney &
Carrico (Intentional Misspelling) |
| A white kid with minimal rap skills...wait am I describing Marcotte or J-Rock...oh well, same difference. | ||
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| Jonathon "J-Rock" Torres | as | Jamie "Epidemic" Marcotte |
| Trailer Park Boys has many constants amongst every episode; Lahey is always drunk, Ricky is always in trouble &c. Forest Glade has many constants amongst every day, such as Clippers being high or Mofo not doing anything new. The two situations have a common constant though, Bart & Randy both never have a shirt on...regardless of situation, weather or fashion. | ||
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| Patrick Roach aka. Randy in Trailer Park Boys | as | Bartholomiej Wnek aka. Bart in Forest Glade. |
| A honkey only concerned with his truck; this isn't a hard role for casting. | ||
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| Scott Caan aka. Charlie Tweeder in Varsity Blues | as | Paul Dugas |
| Ingram's humor comes a lot more from jesters of the body than verbal hilarity, so the need for an actor that looks like Ingram is critical. | ||
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| Seth Cohen from the O.C. | as | Jeff Ingram from the Woodslee |
| Much like Ingram, JC's hilarity comes from physical stupidity or physical hilarity (see the scene where JC vomits in full gallop). Therefore, the need for an actor that looks like JC is also critical; therefore the Michelin Man was chosen...but since the Michelin Man is a fictitious animated character; we will have to go with Karp from Mighty Ducks 1. | ||
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as | JC Cooper |
| In Ocean's Eleven, Matt Damon wears glasses and enjoys stealing. Sounds like someone we could use. | ||
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| Matt Damon aka. Linus Caldwell in Ocean's Eleven | as | Donnie Jahnstan aka. The Myth in Mortar. |
| As stated above, people that use their bodies for humor instead of their mouths need dead, dead ringers to play them in our featured attraction. | ||
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| Benjamin Kowalewicz aka. Billy Talent | as | Christopher Dzimarski |
| I left casting of Terry up to Scotty and Bill and this is what they came up with. | ||
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| W. Earl Brown aka. Warren Jensen from There's Something about Mary | as |
Terry Gbaja-Biamila
(I still don't know his last name) |
| Who's going to play myself? Well I was thinking someone like Cam'ron or Josh Hartnett; but Kolowicz has insisted since like 1996 that I'm a mirror image of Eldin from Murphy Brown. (...You remember Murphy Brown, where that painter was painting her house for the whole 10 years the show was on)...and yes I know this guy overdosed on llello last year, but I'm sure we can cast some guy with a big head and a chinstrap quite easy. | ||
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| Robert Pastorelli aka. Eldin Bernecky from Murphy Brown | as | Adam Durocher aka. Krivo / Navi |
| Update: Clarkson's electronic complaining has made me realize that he's right...he can't be Katie Holmes; she's not even close to being as annoying as Clarkson with all his mail. We need someone who can be irritating and will always be irritating... | ||
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| Lisa Kudrow | as | Shawn Clarkson |
| Myers should see time in the plot with some party scenes. No offense to Myers, but he really wont be a critical tooth on the cog of the movie wheel...this being said we need to have someone with wild hair that he wont cut. | ||
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| Nick Nolte | as | Myers |
| It's been said that people that lose weight after being overweight for large portions of their life are special...not said by me, but philosophical romantic bullshit types. Well, we will go with this rationalism to cast Laporte. Also, never mind that Roker is black; so is Laporte. | ||
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| Al Roker | as | Brad Laporte |
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Ben Stiller
synopsis in Meet the Fockers (imdb.com): A male nurse who... Pat Kolowicz future synopsis by Dan Quesnel: A male nurse who bends for doctors... ...close enough. |
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| Ben Stiller aka. Greg Focker | as | Pat Kolowicz |
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To help with cast
Quesnel, I contacted Cleo the psychic.
Navi: What do you see in Dan Leon Quesnel's future? Cleo the Psychic: I sense he enjoys the MSG right? Navi: Huh? Cleo the Psychic: He enjoys the Asian women. Navi: Oh, yea, yea, he does. Cleo the Psychic: Well I see him marrying a beautiful white women only to realize he shoots blanks and he will adopt a young South Korean girl. He will then trade his NHL wife for this Jr. C adopted daughter. Navi: I asked you about Dan Quesnel, not Woody Allen... Cleo the Psychic: Precisely, there lives will be identical. Navi: Thanks, I guess; and for the record you're total bullshit, I just needed a way to explain Quesnel's casted role. |
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| Woody Allen | as | Dan Quesnel |
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Navi: Scotty, who can Christian be played by? Mike (interjecting): He's a slick weasel. Scotty: Hmmm, how about Niles Crane? Everyone: Laughter. |
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| David Hyde Pierce aka. Niles Crane | as | Christian Lefave |
| Lastly, there's Andy Ion. Since he gave me the idea for this article, props need to be given to his intelligence and vision. | ||
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| Bill Nye | as | Andy Ion |
That concludes the casting for
the movie; BRN: The Movie. From the looks of it, the movie should be
pretty good with talent like Baio, Stiller & Roker. Another problem is
that the movie will be a sausage fest with only Katie Holmes
Lisa Kudrow involved...so maybe
we can cast Famke Janssen as Kayla and have a scene where Kayla
has an affair with Clarkson and then in the movie it would be a lesbian scene.
Navi
Comments? Navigator_Rw@hotmail.com