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A while ago, Kayla divulged to me that she wanted to go to
Alberta (where she's from) in the summer. The summer came and we
departed. The following is our my story; it may be a bit
lengthy; so those of you with short attention spans (Marcotte, Donnie, Brad)
can just look at the pictures & those who have lots of time on their hands (Dan
Q, Andy Ion, Szarka) can read the entire thing. Enjoy!
Day 0 (Tues, June 14) / Day 1 (Wed, June 15)
Gesto, Ontario - Fargo, North Dakota
[1710.3 km] :
We depart around 6pm in Kayla's dad's stick shift Jetta & get through the border
fine. Nothing really eventful happens, Kayla is excited because we find
Crystal Light, she's annoyed by the traffic from the Pistons' game - we see a van
full of pistons fans in the ditch mere kilometers from the Palace - and I'm
annoyed by the Pistons game losing reception in the 4th quarter - but the
Pistons have it in control.
Now our CD
situation was that the Jetta had a 6 CD changer in the trunk so Kayla told me
that we we're each putting in 3. I pick Obie Trice, Jay-Z & Brand New to
start and Kayla picks the Killers and 2 other CD's not worth mentioning...we
continue on our journey.
Many people said this would be a test of how
we can stand each other, well I know that Kayla can get annoying over time, but
this is largely because of wanting to cuddle / show affection - but here's where
the genius comes in, in a stick shift you need to keep your hand on the shifter, muhahaha!
So we're getting
along well...well, well enough, we need to eat. But this is Northern
Michigan around 1am & not too much is open.
Thankfully, we
find a convenience store where the owner tells us of a McDonalds a couple of
towns up. The McDonald's is sweet, well any restaurant made out a log
cabin would be.
I grab a
newspaper from the region and find that there's big news afloat...Kid Rock is
Coming!...what a tool.
So now fueled
with diesel gasoline for the car and a double quarter pounder for myself; we're
ready for the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and cross the Mackinac bridge.
One car passes us while on it and one booth is open on the other side...I guess
Northern Michigan at 2:30am is not too popular.
At this point,
Kayla is getting tired so she catches some zzz's. We pass through numerous
towns and storms throughout the night, but none had anything interesting, plus I
was in driving mode to my new 3 Jay-Z CD's I had thrown in.
Kayla wakes up
as I carve off the road to the sound of squealing tires as there is a church
with nice rails in a town by the name of Norway, Michigan. But, it's 6am
and I don't feel like getting yelled at by an angry pastor for waking his
slumber with dreams about boys pants half off. We get hungry for breakfast but
can't find anything worth stopping for in Norway or Iron Mountain, Michigan &
enter our 2nd state of the whirlwind tour. Wisconsin - The Badger State!
Also, I couldn't
believe the scenery once we reached Northern Michigan, this picture doesn't do
justice.
There really
wasn't much to Wisconsin for us, we drove through the northern part so we missed
the infrastructure which produces funny pictures. There was this sign in
some random small ass town in Northern Wisconsin though.
Other than
that, there wasn't a whole hell of a lot, some nice rock faces, a deer, some
baby turkeys crossed the road (Kayla was too slow with the camera) & we ate
breakfast. So of the 3 photo-ops Wisconsin gave us, we took 2. Next
Please! Minnesota - Land of 10,000 Lakes!
Minnesota shared
some bigger towns than what Wisconsin had to offer and we passed this water
tower in Chisago City, Minnesota (not a spelling mistake). At first, I
wished Belle River's water tower was a teapot, but then I got to thinking and it
looks pretty fairy, not appropriate for a place like Belle River that's rough
and tough like leather (stole that from Raekwon).
To confirm my
negative thoughts on Chisago City, we drive by the skatepark and decide to ride
it because we both need some stretching and because I wanted to warm up for
St.Paul, Minnesota. So I read on the side of the ramps in big red letters
NO BIKES...no big deal, I'm from 15 hours away & a very cautious biker.
There are 2 other kids there (this is 11am)...both about 10 years old. I
sit and wait for them to go and I go when it's my turn...being polite and
courteous as possible...the kids stopped skateboarding even to ask me to jump
the spine again...well I was about to; until Kayla signaled me over because some
asshole in his Suburban had got on his cell phone to call some other asshole
about me riding the park. Wow I was really hurting things and your own
damn kids wanted to see me ride, this is the kind of asshole that calls the
number on the back of semi's & writes down license plates of cars that run
traffic lights. I expressed my displeasure very loudly, but decided to
leave...it wasn't worth the hassle...I mean look at this shit hole...
I wanted to ride
this thing down the road just to piss this guy off, but when you're with your
girlfriend you act different than you would with your boys, so we departed and I
stalled the Jetta 3 times in the middle of the intersection because of my anger.
A big fuck you
goes out to that guy, the city of Chisago & whoever convinced the town that
bikes ruin their park...I'll spit on your upper class cookie cut city.
So once I cooled
off, we got to St. Paul, Minnesota and I convince Kayla to ride downtown instead
of dicking around the mall. Kayla agreed because she could rollerblade;
well she thought she could...she's about as good on rollerblades as ... well,
picture taking someone who's never skated or rollerbladed before...and she's
worse than that. So after 2 blocks of rollerblading and a hissy fit, she removes the rollerblades and we walk around. I notice the
town is built upon a rock cliff that extends down to the river. You can
see it in the middle in the following picture.
Kayla on the
beautiful Mississippi Riverfront.
Also, a panoramic
of the city of St. Paul; I figured I needed at least one of these on the trip.
Most of this shit
talking on Kayla is for comedic effect...she actually was alright on the trip.
Kayla riding a bike that probably weighs more than she does.
We didn't really
find that much in St. Paul, I'm guessing that Minneapolis is the place to be.
I'm going to ask
Kachinsky next time I see him. Anyway, this was the one
thing we found...a badass green rail in a parking lot...sarcasm. I hopped
over this and switched doubled pegged it...but Kayla wanted to get out for some
reason which she wouldn't say because she was doing that weird thing where girls
wont explain their wishes...
After this, our
trip of minimal sleep started catching up with us...we stopped at a Mexican
restaurant and got some food in us to kill the one evil (hunger). Here I
was impressed with Kayla as she probably ate more than I did...not an easy feat
at my stature. We concluded that we would push ourselves as much as we
could and get a good nights rest whenever we couldn't take driving anymore.
That being said, we reached North Dakota - The Peace Garden State!
So Fargo was
minutes into North Dakota & we found a Comfort Inn with a swimming pool because
well, I just wanted to go swimming. So Kayla and I went swimming, some guy
was there with his kid and he threw her under the arms & Kayla reminisced how
she used to get thrown by her dad like that and she loved it...so I grabbed her
and threw her in the same manner. To return the favor she tried to teach
me swimming pool backflips, but much like a bike I just couldn't get it.
That night I
decided that this was a vacation and asked myself when I'll ever be in Fargo
again, so I decided to rough it out and go biking. Fargo wasn't too bad,
it wasn't Mecca, but it had things here and there; enough to keep my bike
depraved self entertained. I was constantly reminded of that damn movie
Fargo by my mind, but the amount of people outside (at 1am) set my mind at ease.
The gem of the night was while riding this red rail I circled around to get some
speed and found that directly behind me there was a crazy good skatepark.
The combination of this as well as the size of Fargo lead to me riding for
probably a good 3 hours. At this point, I was quite tired and happy with
the night, so I figured to catch some sleep; happy and satisfied.
To my
dissatisfaction, I came back to an angered and disgruntled Kayla; I guess
someone had ordered a pizza to our room and the pizza delivery guy came and
asked if there was a pizza for Alexis...this was enough for Kayla to call my mom
and completely lose her marbles. Myself tired and thinking she's crazy;
told her she was crazy - probably not the best move...a move that would result
in us sleeping 6 1/2 feet apart on a 8 foot bed. Oh well I think, this has
it's upsides...I don't have to cuddle, Ahhhhh!
Day 2 (Thur, June 16) / Day 3 (Fri, June 17)
Fargo, North Dakota - Chauvin, ALBERTA!
[888.4 km] :
Kayla awakes me at 7:30am for breakfast & tell you the truth I would have rather
slept, but oh well, she's relentless. So I get up and we have silent
breakfast. We come back and Kayla & I make up. (You don't need the
details, everyone on here but Quesnel knows the pain in arguing with a significant other).
We swim once again and pack up. I wanted to get a couple pictures of the
amazing skatepark & was scared to ask, but Kayla didn't really care; she didn't
want to spend all day, but enough time to get some pictures was in order as she
wanted to get a picture of me. She was happy with a picture of me pulling
up the front end, but I insisted I x-up grinded this bank to ledge until she got
it...about 20 times. Quite the
Ansel Adams I have.
That picture was on her camera, here's the panoramic from mine.
We get back on
the road & I catch up on some much needed rest...Kayla tells me that there's
plenty of 'world's largest' items in these Midwest towns, and I tell her, "ya,
ya, wake me up if there's one." And what do I wake up too...this!
The pride of Jamestown, North Dakota...the World's Largest Buffalo!
This buffalo was
complete in every anatomical way.
And lastly, a
shot to give you a sense of size.
Also, we couldn't
pass this up. My face is goofy because the sun was directly on it...if
you're wondering. Also, who rides a buffalo? Am I just too urban to know
this, or what?
The one thing
crazy about North Dakota was the speed limit...70 miles per hour (130
kilometers)...it would get crazier in Montana, but that was great for here
because of the flat straight roads & not a 5-0 in site. We stopped in a
small town somewhere along the way to Bismarck (North Dakota capital) and we were
impressed by the small town feeling of this car lot...that sign says 'George's
Auto Sales' by the way.
Once we got into
the most northwestern part of North Dakota, rolling hills started to become
common and also we saw the highest elevation in North Dakota.
A few minutes later there were two large grass hills and I peered behind them to
spot these - The Badlands of North Dakota. This is the Theodore Roosevelt
State Park and was absolutely stunning as I've never seen anything like this in
my life.
To answer some
common questions; we didn't walk down there because we were strapped for time &
also, yes that's an actual buffalo. I really do regret not taking the
hike, but again, we were strapped for time...so we continued.
On the way out I
spotted this...at this point I felt I was in some country ass area.
This didn't help
either - look it's home on the range! (Sorry for bad picture...didn't feel
like stopping from 130 kph.)
Some passing
words - to anyone who's ever said North Dakota was boring just needed to look; I
found this area the most beautiful on the trip (away from the Fargo skatepark)
and it would have been completely missed if we listened to other people's tales.
Do what you want and you'll find beauty anywhere.
Anyway, off to
Montana - The Treasure State!
I found it quite
funny that the bottom left post had graffiti on it and then further inspection
resulted in plenty of graffiti all over the posts from up to 1998.
Our first major
town in Montana was Glendive and it had quite the casino.
We ate Pizza Hut
and I commented on there having to be something in the water because there was
plenty of fine looking girls around. I proposed to Kayla that we stay the night
and swing a threesome, but she said we needed to get on our way. Too bad I
must say.
Montana was
crazy, big mountains & curvy roads. The speed limit was now up to 75
miles per hour and for a boy from Essex County that takes one turn on his 30
minute drive to school this was far too fast. I tried to keep the
cruise control on, but I kept taking it off and scaring myself half to
death. The views were quite breathtaking, but I was scaring myself too
much to take them in.
Not much
happened in Montana, I stopped to grind this rail but the runway was gravel,
Kayla got hit on at a gas station (Some guy asked if she needed a passenger
back to Ontario), & we drove by the Lucky Lager factory.
Other than
that, Kayla drove through a crazy storm as I slept and then tumbleweeds
starting blowing across the road. Don't get me wrong, Montana was not
as bad as I'm making it sound; but we did travel through it in the middle of
the night.
Anyway, we
planned to cross the border at this one location, but about 45 kilometers
from the border I read a sign telling me that the border crossing was only
open from 8am - 9pm. So we drove another 3 hours out of our way to one
that was open.
The border
crossing that was open was amazingly clean and nice. It had a rest
stop right before so you could get your shit together and be ready.
The border was again very easy as I think the guy just wanted to get back to
watching his movie.
So we crossed
the border and we were back in Canada. Kayla narrowly
avoided a deer crossing the road and we drove through the areas of flooding.
There appeared to be a lot of water, but we didn't know the amount that's
usually there.
So anyway, we
continue our driving and encounter another first for the trip.
Our first
important intersection.
We continued
our trek throughout Alberta; there was some nice mountainous areas and not
much else. We drove Kayla's mom to the airport & we departed for her
relatives and had a good night's sleep which we needed.
Day 4 (Sat, June 18) - Day 8 (Wed, June 22)
Travels in Alberta :
Once awake, I was told by Kayla's
cousin about the skatepark near by and wanted to check it out...but the rain
dampen my plans yet again.
Just a couple
of pictures, most people I've shown these to have laughed at the bad
graffiti and bank to staircase.
So anyway, I
console myself to the tune of a Beaver Buzz.
By the way : This shit was
horrible; I had only bought it because it was funny.
After that, I was deep in Edmonton and
my day was to be spent shopping with the wife
at West Edmonton Mall...exciting. It's funny though, even with
being sarcastic I bought much more than Kayla. A Soundgarden shirt for
Chris & a ICP sticker for Donnie; the rest of the purchases were clothes for
myself and random jazz I'll probably never use. I was excited though
to find an authentic old school Wu-Tang Clan shirt & also a Cleveland
Indians hat to promptly make me look like C.C. Sabathia. Anyway, on
the way back to the car we had to cross this Chinese supermarket again to
get out and we explored the items in the isle ways.
I don't know
what a Pocari is & also I'm not sure if there's any kind of sweat I want to
drink.
Mayonnaise in
said Chinese Supermarket...food, for ages 0-100.
So we
departed from the mall and headed to Kayla's friend Selene's house for a
night out on the town. Once excited, I find out that she works at a
place named 'Cowboyz' and were going there for the night. Not exactly
my type of place as I'm about as country as
Marcotte.
Once I get
there, there's guys wearing 'Save a Horse, Ride this Cowboy' shirts.
Wow. As I'm about to take off running I spot the female attire of the
establishment. Said attire being a bikini top and a skirt shorter than
a VCR tape...I decide to stay. Anyway, nothing really eventful
happened, I sat there sipping on Gin & Juice and took it all in. Other
than that I was disappointed because one of the waitresses showed her ass
and only Kayla saw it.
So anyway,
somehow throughout the night; Kayla met some guy that worked at Danny's
before. He told us that they make like a grand a night sometimes with
all the American women. While Kayla was talking to that guy I was
eyeing the best looking waitress there and decided to get a
picture...somehow the Danny's guy got in it...making the picture quite
priceless.
Guy that
worked at Danny's, Some hot broad &
C.C. Sabathia.
(Realize that
there are sites that list all downtown Windsor bar websites; I don't
frequent the Danny's website.)
Kayla's
friend told us that Jen (the girl from the above picture) was alright; but
there was some shady girls that worked there. Specifically the one
below, who was grabbing middle-aged men by the hair & (we were told by
Selene) did
body shots of the inside of her skirt / thigh / box before.
Other than
Jen, the most entertaining thing of the night was this guy. Some old
man dancing like crazy and falling down afterwards. Pure confusion
from us.
The next day
we got up & headed back to the mall since we didn't get enough shopping in.
Once done with the mall, I decided instead of going back to that skatepark,
to just head downtown and ride some street since I could remember some good
stuff from when I rode there 4 years ago.
While looking
for stuff to ride, we spotted this & this is why I love Kayla because even
she knows shit like this is gay. I mean who really buys a Neon, puts a
giant wing on it and thinks they're badass; let alone goes to parking lots and
hangs out with other Neon connoisseurs. What a bunch of goofs.
We continued
downtown & I found a rail with skate stoppers (little knobs that prevent
grinding by skateboarders); I thought I could grind up the rail, but didn't
make it all the way up and hit the metal stairs which punctured my tire.
The first thing I tried in Edmonton resulted in a flat tire & trust me there
was some good shit to ride. I was very disappointed, but what could I
do but laugh.
Kayla
standing by the rail I got a flat on.
The foremost
thing I was excited to ride was this roof that I rode in Mortar. I
realized the roof was the next thing we would have ran into if I didn't stop
to grind that dumb rail. My disappointment grew.
Funny shit
from a 7-11 bathroom.
A sticker I
spotted on a post office box in Edmonton...I saw 'ask' all day and all his
shit was pretty hot.
Once back at
Kayla's grandparents; I cracked this 'know everything book' & the boat
reference page was just a little out of date. The high jump was also
defined to land in an area of mulch and dust chips...right.
We have
Co-Op, Alberta has Fas Gas.
It was too
cold for Kayla so she needed to put some pants on. The only reason I
put this picture in was because of this funny story. Donnie has this
screen saver where you can set it to a folder of pictures and it will scroll
through them. Well he set the screen saver to my folder and proceeded
to go put some spaghetti on the stove; well when he glanced again at the
computer he saw this picture and was confused.
This is what
Kayla was putting her pants on for...to check out the mean metal skatepark
in her hometown of Vermillion...I would have killed this shit, but
unfortunately I hadn't fixed my flat yet.
We met her
grandparents for dinner in another small town and I spotted this rail.
What I would have done for a rail like this back when I was 18.
Again I still
had a flat or this rail would have been in the video...well no, since my
camera was stolen...but I would have done the rail.
So anyway
after dinner we opted for the 'theatre' in this small town of Wainwright.
Kayla told me that her mom watched "The Sound of Music" there, so I was
anticipating something ghetto, but I wasn't expecting a 76 seat theatre
housed in an old storage barn. (To give you an idea, I would estimate
Silver City has about 450 seats / theatre).
The right
side was 2 chairs wide...i.e. 76 total seats.
To give you
an idea of the screen size compare it to the exit sign.
The outside of the Alma theatre
in Wainwright.
Before the
trip, Kayla told me how there are abandoned homes everywhere because people
left behind there possessions for better areas. One of these
'abandoned homesteads' was located 2 minutes from Kayla's grandparents so we
headed over there.
The inside of
one of the buildings; I'm presuming not the home due to those rocks.
Inside the
chicken coop.
This building
didn't make it.
Inside
the home with weird wires holding it together.
There were a
couple of old cars decaying amongst the homestead.
Alberta 1966.
An old
'Squirrel Peanut Butter' Can.
Our
transportation to the abandoned homestead.
Our last day
in Alberta included a walk in another small town, Provost. There was
a beautiful wheelchair rail hop which I've been looking for since Easter;
but I didn't have my bike. Kayla did find a friend though.
Steve liked
this picture because the cat is touching it's ass on Kayla.
Kayla thought
I looked country here.
She soon
realized I wasn't country when I saw cats doing it for the first time in my
life. I tried to get a picture but the male cat finished too quick &
ran off.
Day 9 (Thur, June 23) / Day 10 (Fri, June 24)
Ribstone, Alberta - Minneapolis, Minnesota
[1858.7 km] :
Well our days in Alberta diminished and we needed to depart...before that, we
needed to shoot this - the so-called world's largest softball. I was not
impressed by this at all; it's not very big and I can assure you no one else has
tried to build a comparable softball because they would have succeeded...seriously my head is bigger than this.
Stopping at
the Saskatchewan Mall I thought this was funny.
We scoured
the city looking for the university and ran across this...what metropolitan
city has a lost & found?
I personally
love Saskatchewan; but there wasn't much to take pictures of and we just
wanted to get home. Most of our time spent there was watching the
Pistons lose. Well after the Pistons lost, we got back on the highway
and not after only a couple of minutes I spotted this deer creeping up on
the highway; I didn't think it was going, but then bam! it starts
running...my mind goes "clutch-brake" so I slam on them squealing to a stop
and curving off the road. We hit the deer nonetheless, we were only
going about 30 kilometers per hour fortunately. Well the deer was big
so it rolled up the hood and toppled off the windshield looking about as
awkward as myself in the middle of the Voodoo dance floor doing the
sprinkler. The only damage was a pushed in light and dented side
panel, but Kayla's dad opted not to fix it for the cost of $1500. Big
shout out to him for that, thanks. We continued driving with one
headlight shining some road area.
The previous
mentioned incident happened in Yorkton, so all you Saskatchewan Geography
buffs (basically Brian Monaghan & myself) know there wasn't much left to
Saskatchewan and we entered Manitoba.
Bye Bye
Saskatchewan, I hope we meet again.
Hello
Manitoba!
There really
wasn't much to Manitoba either; we just wanted to keep moving. The only
stops were for myself to ride the university in Brandon at 4 am with Kayla
sleeping. I did a handrail and a 180 5 stair to half cab 360 going
about 30 kph. Both I was excited about; but that footage is lost.
The only
other event of importance was Kayla buying a shrink wrapped pickle at a
Mac's Convenience Mart.
Kayla
insisted it was good; but I just don't know about a shrink wrapped pickle.
We continued
our travels throughout the night crossing at the Peace Garden. North
Dakota was rough with the sun in our eyes and both of us tired. We
made it anyway and continued on until Minneapolis Minnesota for a well
needed night of sleep.
Day 11 (Sat, June 25)
Minneapolis, Minnesota - Madison, Wisconsin
[432.6 km] :
We hit the Mall of America
in the morning and I was quite tempted to get a Kevin Garnett t-wolves jersey or
Michael Cuddyer twins jersey but resisted that temptation as I knew I had bought
enough crap already. The one thing I did buy was New Jersey Drive on DVD
as I have been looking for that for years. 2 thumbs way up! Anyway,
we depart Minneapolis around 3 pm figuring to get to Madison, Wisconsin around 7
pm giving a few hours to ride the capital showcased in Road Fools 8.
Well we get
to Madison around 7 pm as planned but as I'm warming up (waiting for Kayla
to get dressed) the rain starts to pour...great.
The rain
falling on the Wisconsin State Building.
Proving why I
love her so much again, Kayla proposes that we stay the night because she
can sense my disappointment. So we find a Comfort Inn and get the last
room since there was a University of Minnesota Golden Gophers football game
the next day. Actually we could have got a theme room (ie. Roman
Times, Northern Getaway, &c.) but the extra $26 to get some funny pictures
of me looking like Caesar wasn't worth it. I later see a guy come in
to buy a room by himself and he's forced to take the Roman
Times room, classic.
Day 12 (Sun, June 26)
Madison, Wisconsin - Belle River, Ontario!
[718.7 km] :
We started this day early &
got out for some Madison street; Kayla whined because she was tired, hot &
wanted to leave...but those complaints went on def ears as this city was too
good to pass up.
From this
city I can see why
Brian Kachinsky is so good; lots of perfect handrails, embankments &
gaps. I only got to sample a minor amount as we got lost looking for
the university (the city centre confused me). So basically I pussy'ed
out on that bank to rail
Josh Heino does in
Road Fools 8 and also we road that bank to ledge that
Dave Osato over toothpicks and back in
RF8 as well...basically I had trouble riding up it.
So anyway, we
left Madison as Kayla had had enough. We checked yet another liquor
mart; but I guess only in Detroit they sell ghetto 40's as this one had shit
for selection as well...the only consolation would have been the Czech
Absinthe I bought in Alberta; but I forgot that there as well...I'm such a
dumbass.
As we exited
Wisconsin we hit the last cheese chalet and bought curds, magnets & cheese.
Nothing really eventful, but I was excited to hear
Talking Head's 'Psycho Killer' as we left Wisconsin.
The journey
home was uneventful; we passed through Chicago, saw plenty of dope Cadillacs
& Oldsmobiles, saw a ghetto ghetto bike gang & I was excited to hear
T.I.'s new jam A.S.A.P. for the first time on the trip. Other than
that I flirted with some girls in the car next to us while Kayla slept & we
switched driving in Michigan where we had our last fight because I admitted
I was jealous of Adam Hillman for sleeping with 15 girls.
If you read
this all I give you props, thank you for taking such an interest in my life
& I hope you enjoyed this novel.
Navi
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2005 BRN
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