My life dream has always been for 2 women to touch my danger zone in 1 day, yesterday 4 did.
The story goes like this. Donnie, Billy & I went to Modern Skatepark yesterday as per usual. Sometime around 7, Billy asked me if I wanted to try and 180 this rail with him...I thought it was a little high, but decided to throw caution to the wind and try it with him. Billy tried it a couple of times and it didn't look that bad...I gave it a couple tries, both times I got over the handrail...then I tried a 3rd time and my foot came off, caught the rail and I fell backwards awkwardly onto my bike...
...the terrible part of this being that my first body part to come down was my backside and with the bike on the ground it came into contact with the back peg. (Pegs are those metal pieces that extend from the middle of the wheel that you can use to double-ride.) Instant pain rushed over my backside. I jumped up, and clutching my ass rode back up to where Donnie was sitting and felt around. My pants were ripped so I headed off to the van.
In the van I had a couple pairs of pants, so I took off the ones I was wearing and grabbed for another pair. While with my pants off I accessed the situation; I reached down and realized (thankfully) it hadn't entered the 'exit' point of my digestive tract (I'm trying to keep this as tasteful as I possible can.) The cut was definitely serious though, my hand came up with quite the amount of blood and my boxers & pants had plenty on them. I threw on the other pants and went back to watch Billy & Donnie until the time ran out and we could head back to Canada.
So time passes and we leave the skatepark and get back to Canada. I drop off Donnie & Billy and I go to Kayla's. I'm thinking that I have to go to work tonight, so we need to cover this up enough so that I can make it through the night and get to the hospital in the morning.
Now, this was 2 hours later when I was at Kayla's; the cut saturated this 2nd pair of pants with blood and I'm realizing this is a deep cut. Kayla does her best with the gauze & tape I bought to bandage me up. I ask her if I need stitches and she's not sure...what kind of first aid training is that?
I go from Kayla's to work (Ford's) a little early so that I can get the first-aid nurse to check this out and tell me if I need stitches. I tell her I have a cut and she asks to see it...I think she was a little shocked when I pulled my pants down. The nurse takes a look at it and tells me that's its quite deep and I need stitches; I ask if she can just bandage me up so I can get through the night of work and go in the morning. She doesn't like the idea but tries her best to bandage me up while I pull my cheeks apart. I was worried prior about getting 'excited' in front of the nurse, but when I was being prodded & bandaged, I couldn't have felt further from sexual. The nurse tells me to come back in a couple hours to get it checked out.
Once bandaged up, I head off to work. I was hoping to stand for a while so that any saturation wouldn't be pressing against my pants; but with my luck, the line was running like dogshit. So I sat down and rested because hell, if the line aint moving I'm not standing there; I'm too wide of a man for that.
We ended up making about 90 engines in the first 2 hours (normal is about 230), and break time was almost upon us. I didn't really need to go to the washroom but I wanted to see if there was visible blood on my pants. I was just going to ask this woman Sheri I work with, but I opted to just walk to the washroom to avoid a sticky situation. Upon inspection, there was no apparent blood. I get back to work and about 40 minutes pass, I get an opportunity to run down to first-aid.
Upon reaching first-aid, I see that another nurse has taken over for the midnight shift. "Adam, oh the other nurse told me about you, follow me." This nurse is quite attractive; I think to myself, good thing I get no arousal out of this. I again pull down my pants and bend over on this aqua chair. She tells me it looks bad, this nurse is much more dramatic and making a bigger deal of this. Anyway, she rinses it with some fluid, bandages it and starts to tell me that I need to go to the hospital...I'm resilient...after all I'm getting $30 an hour to be there and I fear being laid off soon; she's persistent and finally I begrudgingly accept.
The nurse gives me a factory pass and I head back to grab my stuff. Miles tells me that I can just come back and is surprised that they didn't get me a taxi to indeed make sure I come back. This settles me a bit as I know I can come back for the last 3-4 hours. I go to grab my coat and Mike (another guy I work with) asks me what's up, I tell him that I got a cut and I need to leave. He looks me up and down and asks me to show him; I grab my behind and tell him that he doesn't want see it. I head on my way.
Upon arriving at Met I sign in and have to answer a few questions, nothing funny occurred and it was just basic questions you already know the answer too. I sit down in the waiting room and watch Sportsnet. Juraj Kolnik didn't score in the Florida game.
My name comes over the P.A. system and a man comes out. He looks like he belongs at Dante's and this worries me. He brings me to a room and gives me a gown; he informs me to put it on with the back having the opening and to open the curtain when I'm done. This is definitely not cool, some metrosexual guy is about to get really close to my backside...something I definitely never planned on having happen in my life.
Low-and-behold a Greek (I assume) woman walks into the room and introduces herself as Doctor So-and-so. Thank god it's not that other guy. She instructs me to lie on my stomach and proceeds to take a look; she informs me that I'm going to need stitches. This is 3am so she has no helpers; she uses some tape to spread and create some room for herself. First comes the needle...definitely not pleasant, but at least that area is now frozen. She tells me that the cut is quite deep and that she's going to have to make sure that it didn't puncture anything. I asked what it could have punctured and (as she's putting on latex gloves & lube), she tells me that it's quite close & she needs to make sure it didn't penetrate my rectum. I'm definitely not psyched on this but I'm an optimist; at least it's not that metrosexual guy. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would have, it just felt like her pushing down and like I had to go to the washroom. I'm thinking that no more explanation is needed.
Anyway, I'm sure that paragraph wasn't the most pleasant vision for your opticals; but the good news came; I didn't penetrate my rectum. Yes! The only thing the doctor had left to do was to put in some stitches to close the gash up. The whole time I was trying to crack jokes and mack it up but she was awfully unpleasant; she should be so privileged to get to go down there and join such a short elite list. She added some dressing cover and told me that all was finished and to get dressed. I'm not happy about her demeanor, I decide that I'll show her...I steal a sticker saying "I visited the hospital" and a picture of a dog with bandages around its nose.
So I head back to work and only end up missing 1 1/2 hours in total. I hear some jokes and the foreman asked me if everything was good back there now. Lots of my co-workers were laughing it up.
I figure that was a good story. If you disagree, chirp me out in the Guestbook and I apologize for wasting your time. Actually, if you read all that and didn't enjoy yourself, then here's 2 lifestyle updates.
10-16-2005: Sweet Home Chicago!
12-02-2005: My Cincinnati
Birthday.
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